A Story I Didn’t Fully Understand as a Child

As a child, I always knew I admired my grandmothers but never really realized all the reasons why until my paternal grandmother told me the story of how she lost her husband. As I grew older, I began to understand the depth of their experiences and the widow resilience they carried through life. Not sure how old I was when she relayed the details either. We always just knew that she had lost her spouse, the father of her three children, and then remarried when my dad, the youngest of the three children, was five years old.

Before she told me the story, I understood that my dad’s father and her husband had been shot, but I’m sure the adults in the family sheltered us kids from much more detail than that. It was one of those topics that no one really talked about, especially when Grandma was in the room. So when she recounted the story to me, I had no idea how tragic it had been.

The Tragedy That Changed Everything

The bottom line was that he had been mistakenly murdered (video of full story). A loss is bad enough, but then to hear he was murdered, and it was a case of mistaken identity, that was shocking to me. Grandma had driven downtown to meet the love of her life for lunch during his workday. He was sitting in the attorney’s chair in the next door office.

His buddy, a litigation attorney, had asked him to “phone sit” while he briefly stepped out since he was expecting a call he didn’t want to miss. A disgruntled criminal, just released from jail, came to the office door and shot my grandfather in the back, thinking he was the attorney who had put him in jail.

The Moment That Still Stays With Me

The even more heart-wrenching part for me was hearing my grandmother tell me how she arrived on scene and, for a split second, contemplated committing suicide. She had taken the elevator up to my grandfather’s office, and an officer stopped her as she got off. When she heard he was dead, all she could think about was running to jump through the big picture window at the end of the hallway. She was pregnant with my dad at the time.

Then she had to endure the trial of the man who murdered her husband. The stress of all that was mind-numbing to me, even as a child. I could hear the despair in my grandmother’s voice. She was in her 20s at the time. Life was so good, and then it wasn’t.

My other grandmother lost her husband when he was in his early 50s. I still remember that ominous black phone in my parents’ bedroom that called to deliver the news. My mom cried and all four of us kids cried along with her, before we even knew what had happened.

Witnessing Widow Resilience Firsthand

I watched my widowed grandmothers reinvent themselves as single women. Their loss didn’t go away, it became part of who they still were. They both moved to be nearer family. Their work professions took more of a front seat with the change in their finances. One remarried and the other did not, different reasons and circumstances for each of them.

Now, fast forward to seeing aunts, our mothers, friends, and clients also lose a spouse. The common trait is resilience in all of them. It never feels right to move forward. Yet our health and wealth depend on it. And it is what we would want for them and they for us.

The Financial Impact Many Women Face

My heart for women was forever impacted by my grandmother’s and now by our mothers. When I learned the statistics many years ago, they stayed with me. Ninety percent of all women will be left solely in charge of their household finances. That is partially because 80% of married men die married, leaving us single.

I made a commitment to never let money become an additional stressor when that time comes. I also made it my mission to help other women feel more peace and confidence with their financial lives through my work with Mind, Money, Motion.

Supporting Widow Resilience Matters

Widows, whether they remarry or not, deserve so much credit for what they endure. We have an opportunity to support each other before, during, and after that life event.

Maybe we become more aware of who we know in that circumstance and intentionally step in with support. Maybe we can help create clarity where there could otherwise be confusion.

We are all in this together, and when we support one another, we strengthen the widow resilience that carries women forward through some of life’s most difficult moments.

Has a widow experience impacted your life? How is that resilience best nurtured? Can you share your thoughts on this topic? Please join the discussion.

Marie Burns is a Certified Financial Planner, Speaker, and Author of the bestselling Financial Checklist books. Find Marie on Facebook or contact her at Marie@MindMoneyMotion.com.

This article was first published at 60 and Me – a community that helps women over 60 live happy, healthy and financially secure lives.